Why Can't We Kiss?
by greenandred124
Summary: Beck continually shatters Jade's every being. And yet the love remains. Eventual Bade. Post-TWC. Rated T because I'm paranoid.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: It's been forever! As summer approaches, I'll have more time to dedicate to writing. This'll be my first multi-chapter Victorious fanfiction. Bade will be endgame. I hope you guys like it. Chapter one is my take on TGP. I'll periodically switch P.O.V.s.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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~Jade's P.O.V.~

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I'm Jade West. I'm a gank, grunch, and everything in between. My favorite childhood toy was a hammer. Scissors are my one true friend. And if you _ever_ mess with me, I'll mess with you _far_ worse.

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_"Why can't we kiss?"_

Four simple words. That was all it took to send me over the edge.

I was at rehearsal for the Platinum Music Awards. It was _finally _my time to shine. My thoughts were for once buzzing with anything but Beck Oliver, my jerk of an ex-boyfriend.

He was always the nice guy. Yet he could be a royal douchebag to me, never listening to what I say. No matter what, he always ended up with the good reputation, and I appeared heartless. I could never truly win. He walked out on me when I needed him most. He was never there. He always flirted with other girls. What kind of a relationship was that anyway?

A relationship I craved. No matter how hard I tried, my thoughts always turned to Beck. I spent three years with someone who could hardly give a damn about me, and here I was with every bit of willpower trying to hold it together and stay strong. I was still in love with an asshole.

Tonight though, ooh, I knew it was my chance to forget. I'd be big and famous after tomorrow's award show. I'd be able to move on and hardly remember that vile name. I had no time to think about him. I had to figure out an outfit.

Let's be real; I'm anything but a priss. I hate trying on lavish clothes. But I needed an image. At least that's what Mason Thornesmith told me.

Cat and her bibble-guard, (whatever the hell type of food bibble is), Oliver, whom she was handcuffed to, were searching for a skirt of the same style I had just tried on, but in blue. The previous one was a hideous shade of pink. Pink _really _didn't suit me.

My laptop was on. Cat touched it. I warned Cat against touching my laptop, but she refused to listen, as usual. I scowled, ready to power it down. When I looked at the screen however, I froze.

A video chat window was open. Vega's living room was on my computer screen. And there in the living room, sitting on the couch was not only Vega, but also Beck. I watched for a moment, listening to them speak.

_Of course_, I thought. This was to be expected. Beck and Vega were recently getting closer, and I didn't like it. She was clinging to him, hugging him. I looked on at school in disgust. And agony. This was no exception. I zoomed in on the two of them to get a better look at the conversation.

They were facing each other, talking. It seemed casual. But before I knew it, I saw Beck lean in to kiss Vega. My heart thudded against my ribcage as tears welled up in my eyes, threatening to spill down my cheeks.

She remained motionless. He uttered an apology for the awkwardness, but she responded pleading him not to be sorry. Four words came from his mouth after hearing her say with sincerity that it wasn't awkward.

"Why can't we kiss?"

The world stopped at that moment. Nothing else existed. Beck never loved me. He didn't care. He didn't want me back like I desperately wanted him.

I very faintly heard Vega…Tori reply with a no and a logical explanation over the pounding of my own heartbeat in my ears. I'll give her credit, she had a good heart for considering me a friend after all that I've done to her. Beck tried to make some lame-ass excuse up just to get his lips on hers, but she turned him down even still.

At that moment, I knew I always had a just cause for my insecurities. The "liking" for Tori I'd always accused him of, was indeed true. He didn't make me jealous because he enjoyed getting a rise out of me and teasing me. He made me jealous because he was never truly satisfied with who I was. And that killed me inside.

I swallowed the huge lump in my throat and shut the lid of my laptop as Cat returned with the blue skirt. Tears were still stinging my eyes. I knew Cat saw them, but she said nothing. She knew better than that.

I took the skirt from her and slipped out of the hair and makeup area, into my dressing room. I slammed and locked the door shut behind me, yanked off the pink skirt, and tugged on the blue one. As I finished smoothing my skirt out, (I loathed this one twice as much as the pink one, despite the color), I finally allowed the tears that threatened to fall for weeks a chance to stream down my face.

Tori was being a good friend. But what about Beck? He just continued to repeatedly shatter my heart. And I allowed him to do so by being unconditionally in love with him.

I slid down the wall to the cool, tiled floor, burying my face in my hands. Sobs began to wrack my form. I muffled them to remain unheard. The last thing I needed was to appear weak. How stupid did he think I was? I knew him too well for that. He was going to live up the single life. And I was going to ache.

"I hate him," I whispered in a chant-like form as tears continued to flow freely from my eyes and down my cheeks. "He doesn't deserve me."

A little voice in my head counter-attacked by saying, _Lies. You hate that you love him. You don't deserve him, gank. _I pushed the voice away though.

After awhile of silent crying, in a steadier, more confident voice, I choked out, "Never again, Beck Oliver. Never again." I grinned darkly, tear and makeup stains on my cheeks, a few more unshed tears still shining in my eyes.

This was nowhere near over.

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I'm Jade West. I'm a gank, grunch, and everything in between. My favorite childhood toy was a hammer. Scissors are my one true friend. And if you _ever_ mess with me, I'll mess with you _far_ worse.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Here's Beck's side of TGP. I hope you guys like it. Reviews would be awesome.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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~Beck's P.O.V.~

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_"Why can't we kiss?"_

One month, two weeks, six days, eight hours, forty seven minutes, and twenty two...twenty three...twenty four...twenty five...seconds since we've broken up. Not that I was counting.

Okay, technically I broke up with Jade. Damn it, I just couldn't bring myself to open that fucking door.

My fights with Jade were always so stupid. I couldn't even recall what our dooming fight was about. It was something blown way out of proportion as usual, of course. There was only so much of it that I could take before being pushed to my limit.

I know I wasn't exactly the most concerned boyfriend at the time, but I was sick and tired of Jade's insecurities. She didn't even come close to realizing what she meant to me. And she blew it off with her possessive, selfish mannerisms.

Our fights became more frequent and severe. It was tiresome. Anybody would grow weary in my situation. My weariness got the best of me. I just gave up. It wasn't healthy for either of us to deal with the incessant fighting. I wanted what was best for us. But the concept was difficult for her to wrap her head around.

Jade had acted like it was so easy for me to break it off, always being brutally hostile whenever in my presence. In all truthfulness, leaving her was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. I was in love with her. Three years of my life were devoted to her, and only her. I continued to wear our matching necklace, our promise ring, although she'd taken hers off and probably trashed it on the night of our break up. Point proven; she was difficult to let go of.

No matter how often other girls "flirted" with me, she never said anything. Everything suddenly changed when Tori Vega came to Hollywood Arts nearly a year ago. I don't know what possessed Jade and made her become so jealous.

On Tori's first day, she made a bad impression with Jade, but I figured Jade would move on with some coaxing from me. I could never have been more wrong.

Tori and I were just friends, as I'd told Jade time and time again. I knew she resented that Tori was so pretty and talented, but Jade was beautiful; flawless even. Smart. Witty. Exceptionally talented. And yes, even humorous with her sarcasm. Tori had nothing on Jade.

Tori had one quality that Jade lacked however; a kind heart. I liked that about her, which was why I befriended her so easily. Deep down I always liked that, and Jade saw it better than anyone else.

Now that we'd broken up, I had more liberties. I could flirt freely, flash random girls smiles, and even give the creepy stalker girls that showed up at my house every morning a ride to school.

Just as I had those newly acquired freedoms, I was also more accessible to Tori. We began becoming closer because I no longer needed Jade's consent. I became more clingy to her, and she to me. I felt like I was living vicariously, and it was great.

Tori's an amazing person, don't get me wrong. I could learn to love her. But I didn't love her in the present. She just wasn't...Jade. I needed to get Jade out of my head. We were done for good. She said so herself. When she said something, she meant it seriously, and this was no exception.

At this point I was beyond desperate for any form of affection. I missed having Jade next to me more than anything. I needed to replace her with someone else. Someone who could provide me with adequate contact.

Since Jade always was so concerned about Tori and I magically falling in love, I decided to give it a chance. Why the hell not? Maybe she was on to something before.

I decided to start putting the moves on Tori when everyone started turning slightly against her. She needed someone. And I was going to be there. I figured that my helpfulness might kick start something, which was exactly why I found myself at her house multiple times during the week of the Platinum Music Awards.

The first time I tried to kiss her, she seemed eager. But we were interrupted by her mom walking in. At school, I fought off the urge to kiss her as she received the disappointing news from Mason Thornesmith that being herself denied her the opening performance spot for the Platinum Music Awards. I watched her face fall as Jade took her spot. Jade. Seeking vengeance against me. Against Tori. The perfect opportunity to kiss Tori. To prove to Jade that I was okay. That I didn't need her. A completely blatant lie. But I specialized in acting. I had no opportunity to lean in though. Finally, after being back at Tori's house alone, while everyone went to cheer on Jade, I saw a window of chance. We sat, talking about how other opportunities will come along. I comforted her, telling her that we didn't have to go to the awards' rehearsal.

She looked so fragile. Almost like Jade did when I had first met her. Jade. I pushed her out of my thoughts. I was trying to forget her. Time to focus on Tori. My hand rested on Tori's arm consolingly. Suddenly, the soothing words ceased to flow from my lips. I was staring into her eyes, locking her brown eyes on my caramel ones. The desperation to feel someone close to me returned, eating away at my soul.

I leaned in once again, finally thinking I was getting the perfect moment to kiss her. She remained frozen in place though. Not at all what I had expected. I'd always thought she'd grasp a moment like this.

I suddenly felt awkward. "Uh...yeah. Sorry," I muttered.

"No, don't be sorry. It's okay." Tori gave me a small smile.

"Why can't we kiss?" I nearly begged and pleaded, instead of coming off as curious. I needed this. She didn't understand.

She began making an excuse about considering Jade to be a friend. She didn't want to hurt her. My mind immediately flashed back to Jade once again. I could practically feel her eyes watching, foreboding me. I knew this wasn't actually true, that she couldn't see anything in the privacy of Tori's living room.

Especially while she was at her rehearsal. But it really seemed like she saw everything. It'd probably tear her apart if she knew. A large part of me cared, and it pained me. Tori was right. Was this really the way to get over Jade? I didn't want to hurt her anymore. I'd already done enough.

_The gank deserves to receive some payback_, a devilish voice in my head proclaimed. I found myself nearly halfway listening to it.

I tried to remind Tori of Jade's nastiness. That she was never Tori's friend. I really wanted to kiss her, not because she was Tori and that she was someone I cared about romantically, but because I was suffering so deeply from separation.

It was sick of me, wanting to take advantage of Tori to get back at Jade, but I had my priorities. As selfish as that sounds, it was true. I was so confused as to what was happening to me; what I was turning into. A monster undeniably.

I said a shaky goodbye to Tori after a long, awkward silence and headed back to my RV.

My heart was aching. I was able to keep Jade out of my mind for a little while. I suppressed my feelings for her. But what good did that do? I would just end up hurting more people in the long run. I couldn't let that happen.

Something caught my eye. Something sprawled on my nightstand, buried under one of my old scripts from Sikowitz's class. It was a photo album, filled with pictures of Jade and I. I leaned back on my bed and grabbed the book. I swore I could still breathe in her scent in my sheets from when she so often had spent the night with me.

I flipped through the pages slowly, reminiscing. Although she despised quite a lot, she loved taking pictures with me. She enjoyed "keeping memories saved forever". The book that we both spent hours on putting together was now a mere blur of the past. As I went deeper into the book, looking at all of the pictures of how happy we looked together, the ache in my chest returned. An emptiness had taken over. I flipped to the last filled page. There in her neat, intricate handwriting, she scrawled a small note.

_I know I don't say it much, but I'll love you from start to finish, Beckett. _

I saw a drip of water on the page. And then another. And another still. The drips were falling steadily now. Was my ceiling leaking? Jade used to complain about it being porous. I looked outside, but there was no rain to be found. I realized that the drops were not water, but instead my tears.

I shut the book and clambered into bed, wishing Jade was now with me in my arms. As I willed a few more tears to fall, something I would never speak of to preserve my reputation, I whispered, "I'll love you from start to finish, Jadelyn."

I needed Jade back more than anything. I needed to change and halt whatever I was becoming. I needed to be a better boyfriend and love more firmly and securely. That wouldn't happen though. I couldn't have what I needed, and I wasn't going to love anyone else but Jade, ever.

One month, two weeks, six days, eight hours, forty seven minutes, and twenty two...twenty three...twenty four...twenty five...seconds since we've broken up. And I was totally counting.


End file.
